Marriage: Year Two

June 10th, 2019, today: Mr. & Mrs. Stoner, 730 days.

Oh what a year it has been, this second one. If you've been keeping up with my writing since last anniversary, you'll have some possible deja vu. This blog will be memorable short stories / highlights / & lowlights of the past 365 days. So, here we begin, dating from June 10th, 2018, through June 10th, 2019....

July 2018, short glory story: Clay, closely monitoring the moving company while they pack his motorcycle into the U-Haul, headed overseas. He was clearly nervous something would go haywire during the shipping & handling, as we were told from multiple individuals that, "it's just bound to happen." Even the employees at Cycle City in Honolulu who repair hundreds of damaged motorcycles from overseas shipments told us, "yep, it's inevitable. I haven't heard of one person's bike making it out without a scratch. You minds well schedule your appointment while you're here, so it can be fixed ASAP once it gets on island." But instead, I said to Clay, "uh no appointment needed. Excuse me sir, but don't be a worry wart; there's nothing God can't ship & handle properly. We will pray that not only will there be no significant damage, but there won't even be a scratch on the bike. Like literally, no scratch." Ha, Clay wasn't too sold on that "not even a scratch" farfetched request I put out, but low & behold, it arrived the exact same way it was ever so carefully placed in this below picture - flawless. The big man upstairs hears even the simplest of prayers, a prayer that a bystander might say is too menial to attempt.

August 24th, 2018, short story - creative improvising: The hurricane that missed Oahu, but the entire island shut down for days beforehand. We didn't have our belongings yet (borrowed below bike from Jon and Janine), no TV or anything of the sorts to occupy us (not like that matters too much to us, as we rarely watch TV), so we took turns racing around town, timing each other from point A to B, back to point A. Point A was our home, point B was the local Lanikai Juice joint approximately 0.6 miles away, & back to point A, home. We did this for an hour or so, & yes, for all who wonder, Clay beat me every time.

December 2, 2018, highlight: We participated in the annual Toys for Tots motorcycle parade. Us, alongside thousands of other fellow riders, strolled through the streets of Waikiki with our toy for tot strapped to the back of us. We love contributing to organizations that never forget to deliver little ones a dose of joy, who may not experience the ever so cultured excitement of Christmas morning gifts galore.

January 1st, 2019, short story: We were back in Pennsylvania for the New Year, & Clay played me an original musical piece while I laid under the blankets with the space heater on high. This was a video, so I took a screen shot to portray this in photo form for you all; if only you could see the video - very tribal & entertaining. Even the dog, Beau (black head at the bottom right near Clay's right leg) was serenaded. Happy New Year to me!

January 11th, 2019, lowlight: I still cringe when I think back to Virginia Beach life. Even though I was only there just shy of two months, it was two of the hardest months to date. I learned aspects of my personality I didn't know existed, & hope do not have to resurface. I already wrote a full blog on this, so no need for me to rehash - I'd rather not. But, on this day, how sweet it was of Clay's parents to send me bright, happy flowers that were delivered to my door by the local florist, hoping it would bring better days, & knowing that I 107% needed that "pick me up."

There aren't memorable stories that involve the both of us in February, March, or April, as we weren't together, so we'll skip to May.

May, 2019, a mixed bag, but mainly lowlight: Oh, the month of May. You know that song, She Will Be Loved, by Maroon 5? He sings, "it's not always rainbows & butterflies, it's compromise that moves us along." Yeah, we didn't encounter many rainbows or butterflies, because compromise didn't move us along, because our compromise was nonexistent. We learned that when we both chose, repeatedly, to not compromise, we will have accumulated an entire month's worth of lows. Clay & I both are strong-willed individuals, which does toss a tricky dynamic into a marriage, if not treated well. It's extraordinary tough to "agree to disagree" when both spouses are strong-willed, simply because it feels as if you're somehow giving up your opinion (even though you're not - it just feels like it. At least for us, that is). Agreeing to disagree elicits frustration, honestly, because having that iron will comes with a deep rooted genuine opinion on just about every aspect of life, which isn't a bad thing.

Ok, then when did the fire of dispute die out? It fizzled when we understood that the actual content in an argument is not *usually* the root issue of unwillingness to compromise, even though we think it is. Think about this: when you strip the content away (what you're specifically arguing over - 98.7% solely based on differing opinions) & remove it entirely, what's left is the real concern: The "I just want my voice / my outlook / my thoughts to be heard, not silenced." When we (finally, after 3 straight weeks) stopped trying to change the other spouse's opinion to match our own & just let it be, we found there was no concrete argument anymore, & that was the finish line we needed to cross here. I believe compromise is overrated, & isn't vital to have those rainbows & butterflies. Now, hear me out. A synonym for compromise is agreement, & differing outlooks don't tend to harmonize, as I already harped on. Clay & I don't have to have the same opinions to have the deepest love (sure, it helps irritation levels, but we still don't have to). Clay can be him, I can be me, & it's acceptance that moves us along, Maroon 5.

2nd year marriage advice: learn to know that one cannot change someone's opinion. Learn to allow others views to be heard, & not try to morph them into one's own. If God wanted a world full of clones, He would have made 'em. Learn that there can be more than one right way. Learn that acceptance can be easier than forced agreement. Ah, the art of marriage.

Now that we learned this ever so drawn out May marriage message, let's move to June!

June 1st, 2019, a casual memory: Clay catches our yard lizards, I give them a head to lounge on. If you blink, you might miss it, as the little guy almost blends right in with my star-at-the-center-of-the-solar-system-kissed hair (the sun). We love when the tiny lizzy's play together, frolicking & chasing one another in our yard & inside our home. We free the ones in our home when Clay spots them, so they don't die of course.

June 8th, 2019, story: Surf & Turf Marine Corps 5K run. I unfortunately do not enjoy running races, but because it was a mandatory event for the Battalion, there I was, running through the ankle deep sand for miles, at snail speed. When I say ankle deep, that is no exaggeration. The beach we ran on was not compact granules of tan glistening shore. Clay ran beside me (bless his soul), & I said to him at least 3 times, "this is literally quick sand." We finished in the first half of the 330 runners, & that was enough accomplishment for me, no metal desired or achieved. No picture for this event - we left our phones in the Jeep.

Not 2018 or 2019 relevant, but 2005 memory: I still crack up at our 4th grade class field trip to Harrisburg, PA, as we nonchalantly stand near each other, never in this galaxy thinking we would have the same last name 12 years later (2017). Pretty sure genders don't even interact at this age yet without detesting each other, at least back when I was a 10 year old this rang true. I guess we both liked light grey hoodies, though. But let's be real, I know it was my middle part & waste-tied blue sweater that left a subconscious marriage material impression on him. Maybe our children will have a photo like this to show on their second anniversary.

Well, what a celebratory year it's been! Happy 2 year anniversary to my little love. Although I didn't love you in 4th grade, I loved you when we were 17, when we were 22 & said "I do," today when we are 24, & for all the number of years we have left here together. XO.