Take down the Countdown

{This above picture is Clay's & my favorite hobby to do together - ride 'til the sun goes down on our Harley}.

Seven weeks & one day equals fifty {50} days, & that is how long it has been since Clay & I have seen each other. April 17th (one week ago): welcome back home to Kailua, love! I can move my phone countdown app to the second swipe-across home screen (for a bit). I can have my outdoor lanai string lights tactically put up, the closet overhead light bulb replaced, the Jeep check engine light looked into, the cardboard boxes broken down, & the various mouse traps set back up. Yes, if I think the world will still go 'round without immediate attention to such areas of homestead life, I say "yep, that can wait for Clay." Ok, maybe the Jeep should have been given a splash more of attention before now. I did however, spray & kill nearly one-hundred baby ants in the bathroom & kitchen, de-cockroach the corners & cabinets, bleach & scrub the mold out of the shower biweekly (because humidity + no air condition = mold, always), & obvious numerous other daily tasks that don't need written recognition. I don't neglect every inconvenient household chore, thank you very much, I am just *strategically* selective. And, nobody's perfect, yeah? Moving on.

A pronounced word that perfectly characterizes our current life is this: transition. We transition when we leave each other, which we did 50 days ago, just as much as when one of us (almost always him) returns, which we did 7 days ago. Just to clarify, the what, when, & where of Clay's marine life has its boundaries, & everything written herein is within it's acceptable perimeter.

The "goodbye" every time transitions are:

Sleeping alone. This typically only takes me two nights to seemingly adjust to. Never ideal to sleep alone, but it does come breezier on (almost) married year 2 than it did in married year 1, as I wouldn't fall asleep until 2 hours+ after my head would hit the pillow. Thankfully my brain gave that fight up months ago.

Daily scheduling. I now am solely responsible to cook for, clean for, do laundry for, grocery shop for, specifically plan the day for (meaning to have a solid hourly schedule, if desired), etc, for myself. This is interesting, as our "goodbyes" elicit consistency, but only for me of course. I am not on my husband's unpredictable, always changing schedule, which can easily stimulate a mixed mindset (I miss my husband always, but I do like scheduled dependability). During my meal times as I look down at my colorful plate I casually arranged for myself, I always think, "I wonder what Clay is eating for dinner tonight. Probably pizza again. That, or a hot dog & canned green beans." Yes, I do feel saddened for him when he relives that bachelor, college boy meal lifestyle.

Problem solving skills, or lack thereof. I am horrible at this, lets always be honest about that. When something breaks, 97% of the time I cannot fix it. If you remember reading about my bike incident a few weeks ago, that'll give the best contextual confirmation. Clay is my solutions guy; it's part of his personality, & I love it because it means I don't have to be 100% self-sufficient. It's just not in my soul, & thank God Clay lifts up where I drop. I mean, I've always said I am the "move-in ready" type of girl; you will never catch me remodeling/renovating a home. So, with the "goodbye" transitions, I have to either figure said issues out on my own (which almost never happens), have someone else help, (eh, not too often of an occurrence), or wait (lol, you already know what it is).

The "hello" every time transitions are in the same ballpark:

Sleeping together. When Clay isn't home, I naturally sleep smack dab in the middle of the bed, so noticeably you can assume that needs modified upon a return (side note for sleeping: I no longer feel the need to triple check if I locked the front door). This is obviously the easiest & most looked forward to transition, right next to problem solving below.

Daily scheduling, or lack thereof. I now am back on that unpredictable, chaotic train ride vibe. Have you ever been in an airport? If so, you'll attest that the airport staff rushes you through security in full hectic, airport-caught-on-fire mode by having your ID & boarding pass in hand, having you remove your shoes & belt, placing all liquids & electronics onto the conveyer belt table, shoving your carry on/personal item bags through the conveyer line, having you step into the security scanning system with your hands above your head, then having you put your shoes & belt back on, shove everything back into your bags, replace your ID & boarding pass back into your wallet after checking the gate number, all in the matter of 96 seconds, & all to just sit peaceful & patiently at your gate for the next 1-2 painfully dull, non-eventful hours. LOL, that friends, that is the most accurate depiction of my frequent "chaotic train ride" excursions. It's the hurry up & wait system. It's the I made a hot dinner at 5pm, but now it's 8pm and I still haven't heard from you, regime. It's the I was going to book tickets to said place on said date for said occasion, but half laughed, half cried at the thought of actually being able to do so, knowing we would lose that advanced planning game to the wind. But, that is just part of constant transition.

Problem solving skills. Oh glory be, he's back! That's all that needs said for this "hello" transition if you read the "goodbye" one above.

Admin troubleshooting. Every time we or Clay leaves from/returns to our "duty station" for an extended period of time, numerous paperwork trails/travel claims have to follow. This all falls on Clay usually, so I have little to no experience looking as an insider, but from my personal involvement last year in July, I had to do location change administration paperwork/on base management coordination visits on my own while Clay was in California, & I will tell you, I could have set the building on fire (obviously I would've evacuated the premises first) & never looked back. Yes, it's that exasperating. This past week was no different for Clay; sorry babe, I feel you on that level.

A large array of constant transitioning happens behind the scenes too, which I just won't bore you with. Some days we talk about what life would look like outside of the military gig; other days we talk about how we both love the thrill of it all. We end said conversation in mutual agreement that our love-hate for the marine corps is worth the bitter aftertaste it can bring to our palates every so often. We are young, wild (lol), & free, & are not ready for mainstream livin' yet (or maybe ever, who knows, not us).

Each time transition occurs, it brings a box filled to the brim full of personal development. Growth in myself, constantly learning who I am as a person & who I am not (these are evident by now). Learning what situation dependent reactions come naturally (positive or negative) to me versus what I know I can do to actively choose the better (keenly working on this with a licensed counselor) (ya know, when you can't change your situation, change your attitude type of ordeal). Learning that uncontrollable happenstances actually have the right to slap me in the face (because life isn't fair & never will be), but knowing I can choose to hand over the right to be in control of my own life without it stinging every dang time. Oh good golly, growth; you never short change me, huh.

With every minor or significant transition (I classify this round as minor compared to other periods), once I pass through that shifting phase, life feels like a familiar Kailua beach low tide, & I find myself starting to wonder, starting to itch, starting to think --- ok, so what's next?

Because I know it's comin'.