Sorry Natalie, There Is No Solution

[Picture above dated: Today, January 16th, 2019] Make-up free, because, livin' my life.

It is amazing what the lack of sun & humidity will do to the color of my face (pale, freckles disappearing), the texture of my hair (dry, & much less naturally wavy), & my skin (DRY & CRACKLED, everywhere). I have a tub of pure coconut oil in our bathroom that I nightly lather on my snake-like skin.

[Picture below dated: Exactly 1 month ago - December 16th, 2018]

It is amazing what sun & humidity will do to the color of my hair (lighter), the color of my face (darker, & freckles galore), texture of my hair, (curly/frizzy), & my skin (hydrated to the MAX).

And, it is also amazing what a "lack of solution" can do & did to my soul.

Continue reading.

* * * *

We have been in Virginia Beach for 11 days now, & what a noteworthy 264 hours it has been (for me, at least).

Clay had to buy swimming goggles for his course here, so the night we arrived, we drove to Dick's Sporting Goods. I knew my teary waterworks were coming at some point that night (because it is just how I absorb unwanted transition/change), but wasn't planning to let em flow in public. Too late. Clay, always having tranquility, just looks at me & says, ".....OK, just come over here, it'll all be OK, we will work it out & find a solution when we get home."

You're probably wondering what there even is to "work out?"

I do not have a vehicle while we are here, & where we live, in order to get to any stores (Aldi grocery, Wal-Mart, Target, the mall, restaurants, the gym, etc.,) one must drive on the highway to do so. I had no idea how a lack of transportation & living location can 100% limit life, until now. So, Clay & I got home & researched the public transportation schedule (yep, the city bus). Unfortunately, our house is just too far away from any public pick-up place (I would have to walk 2+ miles, one way, to reach the bus, which is no big deal for me, if it wasn't winter. Sorry, all y'all from Colorado or Minnesota, I just do not have your blood). Next, Uber. I calculated to see how much it would cost for Uber to take me to just the nearest grocery store -- $8.00, one way. That is clearly just not a financially smart option. Finally, the Bird Scooter. Some cities, including VA Beach, have public electric scooters that you pay by the minute to ride - pretty innovative. But, the one street that I would need to ride on in order to get to the base (to at least go to the gym) is prohibited while using the Bird scooter. So, thus, we had to end our hopeful research by saying, "we tried, but there just is no solution." Cue my waterworks, again.

I had such a difficult first week here solely because it was entirely too tough for me to accept that there just was no solution. I would stay up late thinking & thinking, map questing & map measuring, googling & checking every possible avenue, any possible way to get from point A to B with no vehicle. I just could not accept the reality of my situation. Day 3 of living here, our house heat breaks. Our in-house temperature was at a steady 58 degrees. You already know what I am about to say... cue those waterworks, again. I would lay in our bed under the covers with my heating pad on while I work from my computer, half debating if I can type decently with gloves on or nah. Moral of the story here: I can be slow with temperature transition.

And to sum it all up, I have cried 7 of the 11 days, but who is really tracking? LOL.

Ok, so when do my bible scriptures come in to save my soul? Right now seems perfect.

2 Corinthians 12:9-10 - "And He has said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for power is perfected in weakness" ... Therefore I am well content with weakness, with insults, with distresses, with difficulties, for Christ's sake; for when I am weak, then I am strong." Oh Lord, ya knocked me down on my knees with that one, thanks. I have been dwelling on this verse for the past two days, asking God to fill me with His content spirit, that I may not waste my hours here thinking about all that I have no solution to, but that I will recognize this time as a production of an extreme growth-spurt in myself with His strength & grace. Because, I have fully felt that "when I am weak..." part, & am moving toward the, "then I am strong."

I do not usually blog in the midst of a difficulty of mine; I wait until after the fact, so I can express how I overcame (problem ---> solution). But, this time is different. I took a second to ask myself why I blog - I do it to remind myself & others, that lows exist just as much as highs do in this life, & to choose joy every time. I want to remember my life experiences for what they were, not what they looked like with a sugar coating or a filter on them. This blog will remind me one day that I just did not have a solution for what I strived so mindfully to find. But, I know joy exists in the midst of any turmoil, even small-seeming ones, because having joy is a choice. Ouch, I hurt my own butt with that, because sometimes, like this time, I just don't want to choose it. So I didn't - I didn't choose joy for 7 straight days. Where did that get me? LOL. You know just as well as I. Nowhere, folks, nowhere.

And, cue the art of being human.