A Blended Blog

{This photo was taken on the top of my Koko Head hike. See bottom of post for more details.}

Ah, it has been a hot minute (month) since I wrote. Allow me to catch you up on our lives, & then dive into a new topic.

Clay was on the Big Island of Hawaii (that is not our island; we are on Oahu) from October 5th to November 6th for field training. I couldn't really tell ya what all he did while he was there, but training did happen. He was delighted to come home to some homemade cooking; chow-hall food gets old after approximately day 2 I've heard, so 31 days was quite plenty.

My mom came to Hawaii from October 13th to October 18th. This was her first flight, ever. That Pacific Ocean is a doozy to cross, but she punched her fear of travel square in the face, & just did the dang thing! I showed her around our town, & around various parts of the island. Her favorite spot on Oahu was in the town of Lanikai (our neighboring town), at The Mokes. She tried new foods too: an apple banana (yes, that is one fruit here), a fresh cracked coconut & its milk, dole whip (frozen pineapple coconut milk dessert), Okinawa (from Japan) sweet potato, & a malasada (a Portuguese fried ball of dough)...nothing too out of the ordinary per say, but new, nonetheless.

The parents of my first college friend, Kirsten, came to our island to see us on November 13th. They were vacationing in Maui for their anniversary, and flew to us for the day because they are that precious. We had gorgeous weather, & a full-packed adventurous day that was so refreshing to experience with familiar faces.

I have completed my season of tennis coaching last weekend. My little kiddos have been a joy to coach, & I saw incredible development in each one of them as the season progressed. Seeing a child's growth is what makes teaching so special. They all repeatedly asked if I will be their permanent coach for all seasons, forever (Their judgment of "forever" is still yet under-developed).

This Thanksgiving was Clay & my first year that we were not in Pennsylvania with our families to celebrate. We know going "home for the holidays" gets emphasized around this time of year, but there will come a time (not for everyone maybe) that "home" will be where you are, surrounded by friends, & not where you grew up, surrounded by family. For Clay & I, going home for the holidays will be location dependent upon where we currently are living. We spent our Thanksgiving at the Tillman's house here in Kailua, & with two other sweet families. What a blessing to have remarkable friends to share the national day of Thanks with. The weather really throws the mind for a loop over here when it's technically appropriate to now sing, "It's beginning to look a lot like Christmas, everywhere you go." Our daily "partly cloudy & 83 degrees" doesn't necessary shout, "Oh, the weather outside is frightful, but the fire is so delightful." And, I am 100% cheerful about that. We have decided not to get a Christmas tree this year. One, the cost is entirely inflated (as everything is in Hawaii), & two, they die much sooner due to their method of transportation to the islands (via boat, meaning they have already been cut down way too far in advance to have that proper east coast life-span we are used to experiencing with our trees). We have an indoor palm tree that will fill the Christmas tree void for the next several Christmas's.

Now that I have caught up on the last month's happenings, something that has weighed on my mind as of late: worth.

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What defines how much worth one has?

All of one's accomplishments or lack thereof? Wealth or lack thereof? Publicity or lack thereof? Status (management/ownership/etc) or lack thereof?

Dictionary defines: "worth" - equivalent in value to the sum or item specified.

It can be only natural to define our own human worth by the sum of all we have materialistically, or what we have successfully thrived at in the business realm or our personal lives. To me, defining worth starts with comparison. I mean, how else would you determine a measurable level of value? I believe comparison is one of the hardest, if not the hardest aspect in life to completely avoid. Comparison, whether it be of the size of one's home, the year of one's vehicle, the level of education one has completed, the pay grade in one's career, one's athletic performance, one's fashion status, etc...can affect the level of worth that one uses to define themselves, or how others choose to define someone else. Lacking the above examples may cause one's worth meter to be lower than someone that doesn't lack in those "higher value" areas. Why is that, though?

My theory: It is because we have been forever conditioned that our success/status bar must be "this tall" in order to contain a proper value to the world. Someone sets the bar to that certain height, that height becomes the expectation, and all who fall under it aren't commendable enough. This philosophy can be blindly followed (as it seems to be), as conditioning can do that to our minds & souls.

To me, other's words aid in establishing one's personal worth bar. Words can suffocate. Words can alleviate. Someone's "suffocating" words toward another may look something like a paint-by-number painting. Unwanted, uninvited, opinionated verbal individuals who constantly project their "well, if I were you, I would do this..." have no more than the same expectation of someone buying a paint-by-number kit: a result of a perfect cookie-cutter, lack of spontaneous creativity, can-never-mess-up, painting. Think about it: when someone inserts their said unwanted (key word here is unwanted) opinion, regardless if it is morally correct or not, they are essentially wanting to control your choices, just how paint-by-number doesn't allow for choices. You follow the written rules, and the finished product comes out the way the manufactures intended it to for you. Unwanted opinions are pure suffocation. And if one doesn't follow those projected opinions, one just lost a bit more worth in the other's eyes, because that is the underlying operation of judgment.

On the flip-side, someone's alleviating words toward another may look something like a Picasso painting. Wanted, invited, encouraging opinionated individuals have the same expectation of a Picasso painting. He was a unique soul, who produced even more unique paintings. They may not have been symmetrical, or the typical, popular mid-century modern painting, yet individuals paid an incredible amount of money for them. He thrived on his choices, & by the paintings, we can assume they were clearly not the standard ones. Think about it: when someone inserts their support, and much less control/judgment, they are essentially wanting you to control your choices,(aka make your own darn life choices, even if they are mistakes, & live them out accordingly) just how a Picasso painting allowed for his own choices, dependent on his style, color, meaning. etc. And, when one allows another to follow their own route, their worth cannot fluctuate in the other's eyes, because that is not the underlying operation of love.

Comparison & an opinion do not define the sum of self-worth, although this world tells us that.

Remember this: The Song of Solomon 4: 7 says, "You are all together beautiful, my love. There is no flaw in you." Really, there is no flaw in you or me.

Philippians 1:27 says, "Only let your manner of life be worthy of the gospel of Christ, so that whether I come and see you or am absent, I may hear that you are standing firm in one spirit, with one mind striving side by side for the faith of the gospel."

I choose to live my manner of life worthy in accordance to Christ & His word, not in accordance to man & their value bar. In God, I find my worth. Nowhere else. You can too.

For my latest solo quest, I documented my hike up & down Koko Head in East Honolulu. I questioned quitting a time or seven, but the feeling of accomplishment on my own boosts confidence like no other for me. The view will make your heart stop, too.

The start. No where but up.

The path was made from old railroad pieces. This spot is where I questioned my balance & various abilities I may or may not lack, because I absolutely hate heights that require you to see the visual potential to actually break your neck. A body would easily fit through those gaping holes, and the ground is much less closer than it appears. My guess: 25 feet?

Half dead inside here, but I lived to see another step, after passing those above gaping tracks that I may or may not have almost cried over.

Oh honey, look, ya made it.

Pictured below is the city of Honolulu.

Walk through the bushes, & this is the town of Waimanalo. That mountain ridge looks small from up here, but I know what it looks like when we are down on the coastal road driving, & it is incredibly tall.

My perfect way to end: stand where I started. Open my backpack. Pull out my favorite nature-colored drink. Sip away, & laugh to myself because I feel victorious.