Gates Swing Wide

It is not for you to know.

In Acts 1, the disciples questioned Jesus of his specific timing of restoring the kingdom of Israel. In Acts 1:7, He said, "It is not for you to know the times or dates the Father has set by his own authority."

May 19th 2016, I was diagnosed with Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome (PCOS). It is a hormonal abnormality (it is entirely more in-depth than I am going to portray) that results in the development of cysts. I have 34 visible cysts. Because of this, I have the loss of my monthly female cycle. There is no known cause of PCOS, but genetics do play into its origin.

I prayed for God to rid of the cysts ASAP & heal my irritating, dull but somehow sharp, daily pains I struggle with because of the multiple cysts present in my body. My doctor told me I would be unable to have children without special treatment due to my body still not doing its monthly women duties. *Alright, God. You are the God of healing, & it has been too long. Show me what that healing looks & feels like.*

11 months & 364 days later: still nothing.

Precisely, and I mean to the exact day on May 19th of 2017, 1 year later: I was running/walking the hills at the Montoursville Cemetery (only hill in town), when God dropped his bomb of healing revelation on me. He spoke to me plain as day, like he does. He said, "Turn up the song you are listening to and walk up the hill again." That song was Close by Lauren Daigle. And like a river, tears streamed down my face uncontrollably. I took the lyrics, made them my song, & proclaimed this: "Give me eyes to see that YOU are all I need. There's nothing in this world that compares to all You are."

God continued and said, "This is all a spirit. It has been for generations and I am using you & your sisters to be the ones to break it. It will not be passed on to your children & it ends here. Any anxiety/depression/physical symptoms experienced were signs and symbols I used for you to recognize the spirit. This is the way I wanted to deliver it to you. Pray now to kill the spirit & leave the spirit here. Look around at where you are standing; you are in a cemetery where there is no sign of life, & that is where this spirit stays. The devil will try to interrogate you, telling you that you heard wrongly from me, but it was the voice of the Lord."

(My older sister has battled frequent health issues & my younger sister also has PCOS).

Tears still streaming, but from joy this time, I thought my body was now internally healthy & aligned. I waited anxiously for my "monthly gift" that I had been one year without, only to find nothing. Absolutely nothing physical changed. Confusion and frustration was an understatement because I knew God healed me, but why was I not reaping the harvest of that word? How could I be healed if I didn't physically see or feel it, was my question for God. God let me in on something that he knew about me that I didn't know previously, simply because I didn't have experience to know: I only believe I am healed if I can see & physically feel it. Unfortunately, that is not how He operates. He said I had to verbally proclaim I am healed, because I am, even though the physical symptoms are still present & the doctoral tests still show PCOS, & no sign of my "monthly gift," or lowered number of cysts. And so I started verbally saying, "Thank you God for healing me, even when I cannot see or feel it. Give me eyes to see that you are all I need. The devil has no hold on me and is never welcome into my life or the life of my family. Devil, get out & stop trying because you already lost, regardless of how I feel."

I rehearsed this self-proclamation day in and out. I said it through angry tears. I said it on my better physical days. I said it on my lowest of low days. I said it with full faith in the words. I said it through no faith in the words. I just said it.

Speaking these words of faith does not mean I feel healed now. It means I am solely relying on my spiritual understanding of what faith is (things unseen), rather than the hard evident physical proof (things seen). I am waiting on God to allow me to feel the effects of his healing, in his timing. The world & almost everyone in it has come to know the immediate gratification lifestyle that can be so easy to obtain. So, when I do not receive that instant gratification from God, I almost found myself writing him off for not loving me enough or not wanting to take care of me. With that false thinking, I had to remind myself daily that the world is separate from God in instant gratification aspects (sometimes). Yes, in God's heavenly kingdom, everyone and everything is perfect, without pain or flaw. BUT just because I am God's child, does not mean I am exempt from any of the pain on earth. Growing in one's faith hurts, I know.

One year & nine months later from May 19th 2016: Mother Nature stopped by. AKA, nine months after God said I was healed, he allowed me to physically see the effects. Seeing and feeling are still different. I do not feel pre-PCOS May 2016 yet, but I am able to see the healing effect via my Mother Nature's monthly gift. I may never comprehend why I had to wait that long, but like it says in Acts 1:7, it may not be for me to know. I still am waiting on God's timing to feel the healing portion, but regardless of when that occurs, I am healed.

To anyone who struggles with pain (all forms, not just physical): It is not for you to know the times or dates the Father has set by his own authority. Know that nothing in this world can compare to God's love for you. Plant your faith & hope in Him because the gates of Heaven yield no pain or sorrow & those gates swing wide.