I Knocked, It Opened, but I Didn't Go In

Be careful; green doesn't always mean go.

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I applied for a position in a well known & extremely successful business that offered an incredible starting post-four year college salary & benefits. Just thinking about the unexpected excess financial benefits this could potentially bring to our family of two made me ecstatic! The location was ideal, the hours were satisfactory, and the job description seemed quite manageable. So I prayed & asked God to open the doors or to close them for the upcoming extensive interview process.

He opened them.

Within the next two weeks, I completed & passed all 3 interviews, passed the 2 simulation/multi-task tests, and was ready to accept the job offer. The last step before becoming an employee was to job shadow. By this final stage, I was too excited to really pay attention to the details of the profession because I couldn't stop thinking about Clay & I being able to pay my college loans off 5x faster, or the new car we could easily purchase once one of ours kicks the can. I sat there itching for the 45 minutes to expire so I could just accept & begin the employee paperwork.

Oddly enough, the 45 minutes went by and no manager pulled me out yet. The employee I was shadowing found this abnormal, but we continued. After roughly an hour passing, I slowly felt myself becoming annoyed. I was thinking, "ugh this is getting entirely too boring, how much longer do I have to sit here?" Immediately after that thought ran through my head, God popped in & told me to really pay attention to the tasks of this position, I mean really pay attention. So, thinking nothing of His request, I fully engaged myself, watching like a hawk. I quickly found that my excitement vanished & became confused. I started to sweat, feel awkwardly uncomfortable, and anxious.

*What is happening? God, what are you doing? Everything was going so well, you have opened every door so easily for me, why are you doing this to me now?*

After learning & understanding what the job tasks would entail on a daily basis, my mind became disordered & I no longer knew what I wanted. By now, management was probably on its way to end our shadowing since it was approaching an hour, but I had no clarity or settlement. I could not make a sound commitment anymore & needed more time, so I prayed that God would somehow stall management until I felt at peace.

{1 John 5:14-15 (NIV) says that this is the confidence we have in approaching God: that if we ask anything according to His will, He hears us. And if we know that He hears us-whatever we ask-we know that we have what we asked of HIM. } I made this my prayer from day one of the interview and He knew my heart from the very beginning.

God heard me & gave me 2 more hours in that chair. Several employees tried contacting management, but none were able to; three-hour shadowing has never happened before in this company; they felt embarrassed & repeatedly apologized. But, there was no apology necessary; I prayed for this to happen. I had the opportunity to imagine what my everyday work life would look like if I chose to accept the offer. I then knew full well that I would be solely chasing the money & exchanging it for my passions, desires, and talents that are meant to be used elsewhere for God. I could easily have ignored His voice & chose to "tough it out" for the money. But, immediately after recognizing what I would be giving up in order to get, I knew that no amount of money was worth denying God's plans for me. Within ten minutes of making this decision, management came for me & I sat down with them to deny the offer.

Turning away exceptional money is hard, especially in todays generation. But God opened all the previous doors to show me that, yes, He can & will open ones that I knock on, but that doesn't mean He wants me to go in. God knew I thought I wanted to choose this career path, so He allowed the doors to open wide. Why would He do this? Because He loves me & He knows me. He wanted me to taste & see for myself that it was not what I wanted & not the direction He has for my life.

His blessing for me is down a different path.

To God: Thank you for letting me knock. Thank you for opening it. Thank you for not letting me in.